A semi-professional blog

Miscellanea, poorly written code, and idle thoughts from a trans lady science person. That’s a real thing, right? ¯\_(ツ)_/¯

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This is not a post I want to write. It is not a story I want to tell. It is not a story I want you to read. I am ashamed to put words to it, scared to say “me too”. I have so many reasons not to write this. My inbox is overflowing. Deadlines are rolling past. I have so many things that give me joy, in my work and in my home, that I could focus on instead.

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For the longest time, one of my favourite lines in feminist history came from Sojourner Truth’s 1851 speech, Ain’t I A Woman? Dat man ober dar say dat womin needs to be helped into carriages, and lifted ober ditches, and to hab de best place everywhar. Nobody eber helps me into carriages, or ober mud-puddles, or gibs me any best place! And a’n’t I a woman? The idea of course being that women’s liberation, as it had often been construed at the time, wasn’t really about the liberation of all women - it was focused very narrowly on the rights of affluent white women.

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So I got edges that scratch And sometimes I don’t got a filter But I’m so tired of eating All of my misspoken words I know my disposition gets confusing My disproportionate reactions fuse with my eager state That’s why you wanna come out and play with me, yeah – BANKS, Beggin for Thread The inner Sydney tattoo parlour is hot, and it suits my mood to a tee.

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I’ve spent the entire day deleting tweets and blocking everyone even slightly linked to the events of the last few days. I’ve blocked a lot of people, but the process of looking at their feeds and seeing the things they say about trans women is utterly demoralising. I’ve never felt so viscerally hated, and they’ve gotten in my head. I can’t stop thinking, maybe they’re right. I wonder whether he gets how vicious these conversations have become?

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[Author note 3] I’ve added and removed this post so many times now, and it upsets me that I feel as scared as I do about this topic. What I’ve realised is that the reason I’m so scared is that the original essay included some (I think mild) criticisms of Jesse Singal’s reporting on transgender issues. Like many transgender people, I’m not a fan, and I really wish he would just stop writing about us at all.

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Projects

Bayesian rain

This started out as an attempt to mimic Tom Griffiths’ lab logo using ASCII characters rather than MNIST digits, as a way of teaching myself the imager package, and then it got a little silly.

Colloquium FAQ

A list of things to consider for hosts (and organisers) of the school colloquium series.

CompCogSci Sydney

Home page for my lab; a research group that uses a mix of experimental methods and computational modelling techniques to explore how the human mind work

R-Ladies Sydney

The R-Ladies Sydney chapter is committed to improving the representation of minority genders in the R community

UNSW Psychology Colloquia 2018

Schedule of speakers for the 2018 colloquium series at UNSW psychology

UNSW Psychology Colloquia 2019

Schedule of speakers for the 2019 colloquium series at UNSW psychology

UNSW women in psychological science

I maintain the website for UNSW women in psych, which we set up for International Women’s Day 2018.