A semi-professional blog

Miscellanea, poorly written code, and idle thoughts from a trans lady science person. That’s a real thing, right? ¯\_(ツ)_/¯

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A few weeks ago I published “In Between”, a long form piece that is both an essay on gender transition and a discussion of how animation and transformation works in R. It’s deliberately written in a different format to my usual posts, and at some point soon I’m going to write some commentary on the essay in this post. But in the meantime, this post is just a stub that links directly to the essay.


This is not a post I want to write. It is not a story I want to tell. It is not a story I want you to read. I am ashamed to put words to it, scared to say “me too”. I have so many reasons not to write this. My inbox is overflowing. Deadlines are rolling past. I have so many things that give me joy, in my work and in my home, that I could focus on instead.


For the longest time, one of my favourite lines in feminist history came from Sojourner Truth’s 1851 speech, Ain’t I A Woman? Dat man ober dar say dat womin needs to be helped into carriages, and lifted ober ditches, and to hab de best place everywhar. Nobody eber helps me into carriages, or ober mud-puddles, or gibs me any best place! And a’n’t I a woman? The idea of course being that women’s liberation, as it had often been construed at the time, wasn’t really about the liberation of all women - it was focused very narrowly on the rights of affluent white women.


So I got edges that scratch And sometimes I don’t got a filter But I’m so tired of eating All of my misspoken words I know my disposition gets confusing My disproportionate reactions fuse with my eager state That’s why you wanna come out and play with me, yeah – BANKS, Beggin for Thread The inner Sydney tattoo parlour is hot, and it suits my mood to a tee.


I’ve spent the entire day deleting tweets and blocking everyone even slightly linked to the events of the last few days. I’ve blocked a lot of people, but the process of looking at their feeds and seeing the things they say about trans women is utterly demoralising. I’ve never felt so viscerally hated, and they’ve gotten in my head. I can’t stop thinking, maybe they’re right. I wonder whether he gets how vicious these conversations have become?



Bayesian rain

This started out as an attempt to mimic Tom Griffiths’ lab logo using ASCII characters rather than MNIST digits, as a way of teaching myself the imager package, and then it got a little silly.

CompCogSci Sydney

Home page for my lab; a research group that uses a mix of experimental methods and computational modelling techniques to explore how the human mind work

R-Ladies Sydney

The R-Ladies Sydney chapter is committed to improving the representation of minority genders in the R community

UNSW women in psychological science

I maintain the website for UNSW women in psych, which we set up for International Women’s Day 2018.